Ailie in Wonderland 3

At the time I write this post, I am relieved and can finally speak openly about what happened in the past months — which I could only describe them subtly before.

1) Besides depression, for some stupid reasons I and a family member were being charged by a govt dept. The process lasted for 3-4 months, and we are overwhelmed by firstly shock, then anger, then frustration, then desperation, then sadness, then …

2) The aftermath of last winter (i.e. being kicked out and seriously emotionally disturbed) stuck me for a while longer than usual, too. I thought I could have handled it well after returning to Hong Kong but in fact I couldn’t. The life change made me not only losing a bf but also a very good friend (in my own terms, it left me not just one hole but two). It knocked my down together with issue 1). The emotional vaccum kept bugging me until I (somewhat) found some other talking friends (i.e. at least one hole is somewhat filled).

3) I have to thank everyone who concerned and helped throughout the time. I cannot find more words. Not only those who introduced us legal resources and offered help in anykind, and those gave me emotional support, but also those who keep everything in rememberace — silently.

4) The experience in the past months made me understanding myself better. And I know that I need some makeover — in terms of temper, personality, emotions, self-confidence, family, etc.

5) So now I need a break (an escape is def needed), then start my life — again.

Just a song for everyone (don’t laugh — JG becomes the guardian angel in my MP3 player recently):

You are loved (Don’t Give Up)

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy
I, I, will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I, I, will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you, are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I, I’ll be there to find you
Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I, I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you, are loved
You are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
Don’t give up
Everyone needs to be loved
You are loved

I joined AK this morning and saw Batman: The Dark Knight.

It’s a great movie experience (which I have missed for a while), and I highly recommend it.

I don’t want to write a spoiler but a make few points (that stunned me):

1. The story is great.
2. Joker is great. “He’s dead, unfortunately — I mean Heath Ledger,” said AK. It’s very obvious that he paid a great effort getting into the Joker role. His eyes and his words tell you this.
3. The script is great. You can make several dozen of quotes if you want, about (super)heroes and villains, good and evil, humanity, semiotics, and choices.
4. The movie is well executed. It is packed with lots of actions, while there is still  (enough) time for you to think.
5. You can see a Hong Kong night with high contrast — which is better than you see it in person here (the reality is the night sky is too bright due to excessive lighting). Guaranteed.
6. In Batman Begins I found Chris Bale somewhat boring (hm, compare with my ideal Batman Michael Keaton), but this time I found him pretty appropriate — especially with the role Bruce Wayne (haa haa, when he’s in Armani suit!).
7. Here Batman is not a plain superhero (like that in the TV series, or in the past few movies series) but a human — who struggles, thinks, decides, and loves.

Get a ticket and see it yourself!!!

Life must move on.

So She Dances
(Crossley/Lenz)

A waltz when she walks in the room
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace
A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody’s making her cry
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

A waltz for the chance I should take
But how will I know where to start?
She’s spinning between constellations and dreams
Her rhythm is my beating heart

So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

I can’t keep on watching forever
I give up this view just to tell her

When I close my eyes I can see
The spotlights are bright on you and me
We’ve got the floor
And you’re in my arms
How could I ask for more?

So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

I can’t keep on watching forever
And I’m givin’ up this view just to tell her

I couldn’t remember how long I have been seeing T around the bar area south of Nathan Road, but quite sure that the first time should be in Stag’s.

When I returned to Hong Kong and move myself to SB, I noticed this old man again. I was thinking that he should have been some 60 years old, but someone who have been drinking with him for over 20 years told me that he’s in fact under 60.

And some months ago someone showed us a colour print, in that T fashioning some fur coat or whatever as a model. We all cried and yelled.

An occassional guest who happened sitting next to me, told me that he noticed that T is “shrinking” over time.

Someone told me he had some good times when he was younger in the UK, then for whatever reason he finds his home here.

He got some small home accidents on and off, that make us paying more attention on his physical condition.

Slowly I start greeting him upon arrival, or have a small chat with him. He has some humour of his own, and makes interesting notes on people he knows. In fact we are all silent people.

One thing interested me is … on and off he brought someone some pies and that made people happy. Yes, pies.

So finally on last Sat in a small chat we started talking about his pies.

“Hey, you should gain some weight,” I said, “like, eat more pies. Do you eat your own pies?”

“I make lots of pies, but I don’t eat any of them.”

“What kind of pies you make?”

“All kinds, beef, pork, chicken, spicy…”

“Can I have one?”

“What kind of pie you like?”

“Good question.”

“Beef, pork, or chicken?”

“Ok make it chicken.”

“Spicy?”

“Spicy would be good.”

“Ok I will make a MsAC’s pie next Fri.”

See if I could manage to take a pic before finishing it.

“Why you keep bumping into a**holes?”

“I dunno. Maybe they were not a**holes at the beginning. Maybe it’s me who drove them nuts and brought out their a**hole-personality.”

“But anyway, they are a**holes.”

“Aha.”

In another conversation, JM added, “Gals like experienced men.  But to be experienced means that man should be kinda a**hole.”

I heard this song for the first time (according to me consciousness) in the movie La Vie en Rose/ La Môme (2007). Then I heard some other covers recently. I think only people with an unmatched load of love can sing it well — like Edith Piaf.

BTW, that movie is great. Each one might find their own perspectives, and what I noticed is that separation anxiety…

L’Hymne a l’Amour
(Monnot/ Piaf)

Le ciel bleu sur nous peut s’effondrer
Et la terre peut bien s’écrouler
Peu m’importe si tu m’aimes
Je me fous du monde entier
Tant qu’l'amour inond’ra mes matins
Tant que mon corps frémira sous tes mains
Peu m’importe les problèmes
Mon amour puisque tu m’aimes

J’irais jusqu’au bout du monde
Je me ferais teindre en blonde
Si tu me le demandais
J’irais décrocher la lune
J’irais voler la fortune
Si tu me le demandais

Je renierais ma patrie
Je renierais mes amis
Si tu me le demandais
On peut bien rire de moi
Je ferais n’importe quoi
Si tu me le demandais

Si un jour la vie t’arrache à moi
Si tu meurs que tu sois loin de moi
Peu m’importe si tu m’aimes
Car moi je mourrais aussi
Nous aurons pour nous l’éternité
Dans le bleu de toute l’immensité
Dans le ciel plus de problèmes
Mon amour crois-tu qu’on s’aime
Dieu réunit ceux qui s’aiment

Hunted some 2nd hand CDs and in one I found this song. It fits this weather well.

Remember when It Rained

(Groban, Mouquet and Groban)

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you.
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry.
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
I felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.
In the water I remain
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down
Running down

Let me count the baby news I have heard so far -

1. SisA is expecting her 3rd kid this summer;
2. Families of undergrad classmates Von, Car and 7 are expecting their kids in the coming 6 months (Car will be the new mom, while the others 2nd time parents);
3. Hum classmate C and our senior J got their babies this spring;
4. 2 moms in my office.  One baby has arrived already and another still on the way;
5. Waterblower A announced her good news;
6. Some friends already told me that they are “planning”.

In the regular Hum fellow meeting on July1 it is obvious that we look more and more like a family — I appreciate the dads and moms for showing up with their kids, despite of fatique and household chores and the parent stress.

And slowly, after long exposure to kids, my panic in handling kids is fading.

But I still like calling baby boom “baby horraaaaah”, but don’t get me wrong, it’s just … for fun :)

I’m no Kinderfeind. ;)

Somewhat I think it’s not bad to have a life change.

At least now I feel less guilty to eat 1) chicken with skin; 2) beef (although I’m in fact not a beef eater); 3) Oysters.

So last Friday I was assumed to meet SC at Aviator, his usual place in Tung Chung at 8:30.  However he got stuck in office, so after some unsuccess attempt to find the food court in Citygate, I decided to go to Aviator early and check out the menu.

The place is a bit off from the station, and less posh than the wine bar some 100m away.  According to SC, the clientele mainly comes from the pilots and ground staff living around.

The “In-flight menu” is definite beyond usual in-flight food… they serve some semi-buffet dinner at around HK$170 (now there is a 20% off),  with main course of your choice (out of 7) and the all-you-can-eat salad, soup, and dessert.  Apart from set menus they serve steaks, pies, Thai foods, and finger foods, too.

The decor is quite thematic… airplanes, pictures of historical moments of Hong Kong aviation.

Finally I order a dish of 3 oysters ($48).  The waitress told me that they came from Australia and are quite popular here.  When I tried that and — yes!  They are quite sweet, with some taste (but not too strong) of sea, and a good company with a pint of stout.

I think I should have another trip there and try the pie of the day.

It’s in fact a quote of some days ago, contributed by some one during an online chat; but I keep thinking about it (not in exact wording, just something lingering in my mind):

“People who lies keep assuming and accusing others lying.”